What's Grocer Than Groce?

Grocery Outlet, Bargain Market

Hello Readers!

How are the fluids on the emotional dipstick? For myself, I continue to crawl along, trying. A few updates before we get into today’s exciting bargain grocery shopping post!

Me in the NOSH aisle at the Burbank Grocery Outlet.

• First off, thank you Miranda July for pulling Dad Bod out of the dyke gutter for a day and recommending it to Cultured Mag for their article about Substacks. Now back to the dyke gutter, we go.

• Barnes and Noble named Alison Bechdel’s audiobook for her new graphic novel Spent, one of the best audiobooks of July! I didn’t even know graphic novels could have audiobooks until she asked me to record a voice for it. It was so fun and her new book is wonderful. Alison Bechdel is such a hero. If you never got to see Fun Home, the musical, based on Bechdel’s graphic novel of the same name, please click this link to watch a performance of Ring of Keys. It’s a song about the first time little Alison sees a butch in real life! When I saw the musical in person I sobbed giant butch tears along with the other butches in the audience. IYKYK. Buy the book! Revere a butch!

• I was lucky enough to be able to live with my grandparents for part of my life. One of my earliest butch leanings was worshiping how my grandfather, Mario, (who my cat is named after,) took off his watch and placed it down on the table. When he laid it down, there was a weight to the clunk that felt masculine and substantial. I’ve always wanted a watch like he wore, so I bought myself one for $60 on Poshmark. It is a 1971 Seiko. 1971 is the year of my birth. I love this watch.

my new watch

• The other watch I would love costs between 13k & 20k. LOLOLOL. It is the coveted Domino’s Pizza Rolex that was given to Domino’s managers who met their monthly sales quotas. I love the high/low. A Domino’s logo on a Rolex? It’s sort of genius. My birthday is next month if anyone wants to buy it for me!

my dream watch

• I only had one houseplant, this bamboo that was gifted to a writer’s room by an actor of a show I worked on. When the job was over it was left there to die. I hate plants, but took it home because I felt guilty. I’ve always thought plants were dirty, but for seven years I cared for this bamboo, until yesterday. Tiny black ants were crawling out of the soil into my cat’s food dish, proving my point that plants are dirty. I put it out on the street and someone took it. I am free!

bye, bitch

Now, let us turn to the business of the day. What could be me more fundamental to human safety then food? Remember during the pandemic when we all got a wake up call about taking available food and toilet paper for granted? Remember when no one could get yeast for their sourdough??!

Well, I love grocery stores which is funny since I can’t really cook. I like to roam them and compare them and visit them in other countries. I also used to work at Rainbow Grocery Co-Operative for seven years, which means I have a doctorate degree in groceries. Trust me when I tell you why Grocery Outlet, Bargain Market is the best grocery store in the whole world. To quote funny girl Caroline Goldfarb, Grocery Outlet is basically, “Whole Foods T.J. Maxx.”

A painting I finished recently. “Grocery Outlet.” 2025. Oil on canvas. 24 inches by 30 inches.

If you’d like to read about its rich history and origin story you can click the link, but for those that are too lazy or tired to click links, or basically hate learning (I get it!) I’ll give you the cliff notes. Grocery Outlet was founded in 1946 by James Read under the name Cannery Sales. He bought government surplus foods and sold them in vacant San Francisco storefronts. After his death, his sons took over and renamed it Grocery Outlet, or Gross Out as it’s know by its fan base. It grew into a chain of independently owned stores, many by husband and wife teams. Now you can find them in California, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Nevada, Maryland, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Ohio, and Delaware!

Gross Out is also known for its bad commercials and jingle. It also recently was sued in Oregon for deceptive pricing. But I stand by my Burbank location. It has a NOSH aisle which stands for Natural Organic Specialty Healthy. In this aisle you can often find things that would be at Whole Foods for much less, like olive oils and nut butters and soups and dressings. For a while the Burbank Gross Out carried this black sesame milk and sold it for $2.99 while the same item was selling at Whole Foods for $8.99. Don’t think I didn’t consider spending my days buying the sesame milk at Gross Out and then returning it to Whole Foods for the $6 profit. The Burbank Gross Out also used to carry this coconut smoothie for $1.99 that other grocery stores carried for $8.99. Part of the store carries organic items, and part of the store carries delicious trash, like It’s It ice cream sandwiches. They also have a great pet supply aisle filled with bargain high quality pet items.

Here’s the thing though, you never know what’s going to be there. So if you see an item you like, buy multiples, as it might not be back. There have also been some misses— mostly in the alternative milk area, and one mushroom “coffee” tea. LOL. But the great thing about Gross Out is you can try something you might not ordinarily because it is so cheap. And there’s a real adrenaline rush, akin to entering a casino, of not knowing what you might find. Let me know in the chat what your favorite Gross Out purchase is.